dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
