his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
