Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
As shirtless as possible
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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