His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
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