He is like the real live version of the state fair..
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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