I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize