I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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