Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
