I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
My underwear smells like fireworks.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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