I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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