I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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