she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
