when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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