dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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