Soap is not a condiment
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
