Already got asked if we're dating
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
