please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
