He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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