My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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