.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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