I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
