remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
