Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
