Your mouth is God's brothel.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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