happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize