I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize