what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
