New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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