Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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