i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
