i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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