just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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