Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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