google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
