it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
