Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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