I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
