i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
