clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize