You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
