this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
