I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
