I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
