So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
