yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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