..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
