You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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