i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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