so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
