I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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