Pants 0. Shit 1.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
