I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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