he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
