Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
