you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
