a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
