oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
