i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
