Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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