he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
