Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
