He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
