You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
