you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
