dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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