remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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