and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
