I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
