I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
be right there i have to get my cape
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
